You are currently browsing the daily archive for November 17th, 2006.
I weighed myself the other morning. According to the scale I’ve gained 6 pounds since just before Halloween. Try as I might, I’ve fallen into old thinking and eating patterns.
The all or nothing- “You’ve gained weight, so just give in and eat whatever you want. You’ll never lose the weight anyway.”
Trying not be depressed or disappointed and failing. Never mind that I’ve walked twice this week.
It’s a catch 22 really. The all or nothing script fights with my backsliding behaviors and my depression and they feed off of each other. How do you rewrite the script?
On top of that I’m in the middle of the application process trying to be hired into a Federal job which requires a security clearance. I don’t have anything to hide, but I feel like I shoulda, coulda, oughta’ve _____________. Accomplished more I guess. More than raising a family and caring for my spouse and our home. I’m embarrassed and ashamed.
I’m also ambivalent. I want to succeed, but I’m afraid I’ll succeed too. I feel the same way about losing weight. I want to succeed, but I’m afraid to succeed too. How to solve the discrepancy??
