Catch 22 « Fat Mom Talking

I weighed myself the other morning. According to the scale I’ve gained 6 pounds since just before Halloween. Try as I might, I’ve fallen into old thinking and eating patterns.

The all or nothing- “You’ve gained weight, so just give in and eat whatever you want. You’ll never lose the weight anyway.”

Trying not be depressed or disappointed and failing. Never mind that I’ve walked twice this week.

It’s a catch 22 really. The all or nothing script fights with my backsliding behaviors and my depression and they feed off of each other. How do you rewrite the script?

On top of that I’m in the middle of the application process trying to be hired into a Federal job which requires a security clearance. I don’t have anything to hide, but I feel like I shoulda, coulda, oughta’ve _____________. Accomplished more I guess. More than raising a family and caring for my spouse and our home. I’m embarrassed and ashamed.

I’m also ambivalent. I want to succeed, but I’m afraid I’ll succeed too. I feel the same way about losing weight. I want to succeed, but I’m afraid to succeed too. How to solve the discrepancy??

November 2006
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6	7	8	9	10	11	12
13	14	15	16	17	18	19
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4 comments

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November 21, 2006 at 5:58 am

Austin

I’m happy I stopped by because this very question about success came up with a blogger buddy of mine. Here is a link to her entry.
http://jewellybeano.wordpress.com/2006/11/19/be-fabulous/

I was taken aback when you said that all you’ve done is raise a family and care for your spouse and your home. I can’t tell you how important that is. My home, oh lord my home, did not have a mother that did what you do. No mother is perfect, no human is perfect, but unless you’re just straight up an abuser then there is no shame involved in being a positive influence, a role model for your children and supporter of your husband. So I have to ask you this, when it comes to success, who is it that sets the bar for your happiness and your success? Does the world say you SHOULD be a career woman and you SHOULD have something other than this or that outside the home?

I can not even tell you how many people long to be in a family setting where its not toxic. I’m not saying you dont appreciate what you have, I’m saying that you may not grasp the importance of what you do with what you have. If you are able to raise a family that is not toxic then you have accomplished what most families have not. You can’t tell me that’s not success. You don’t have to change the world or make some huge amount of money to be a success. You support, you give of yourself, you be a friend, a companion, be part of the world and no one can ever say that you have done little. If they do let me know and I’ll come and kick their….

for real though, a good family raises children with a future. a bad family raises children with a delayed and chaotic future. If you are not an abuser then your kids do not have the same worries as other kids. that is success. if you offer your kids sober parents that is a gift. if you offer your kids a kind hand with direction that is a wonderful thing. who knows what they will grow up to be because you took the time to care. I’ll tell you this much woman what you do, if you do it kindly, is without measure and that is something to be very, very proud of.

I’ve lectured you enough for now. i should start charging for these short therapy sessions. I’m kidding. I’d just have to turn around and spend that money on my own therapy. I should be in bed but I’m so happy I stopped by.

March 24, 2007 at 3:32 pm

quietwriter

Too Funny…I recently went through the same thought process while updating my resume. We are what we have done and honestly you have done way more than you are giving yourself credit for. I just started a diet two weeks ago and for the first time I have been able to stick to it for at least this amount of time… I’ve lost 14 pounds. I think the key for me was the use of two websites that force you to analyze the numbers of everything… Startyourdiet.com and FitDay.com… Either one does the trick…One is prettier… Both have free services. Anyway… SUCCEED, and don’t be afraid…

December 31, 2007 at 6:37 pm

Workin' On myself, Too..